I don’t want your sympathy, I just want everything to be ok

It has been a little while, but here we go. more saddness for you;

I don’t want your sympathy,

I just want everything to be ok.

But it’s not.

And I don’t see how,

It can be.

So what the fuck should I do?

My skeleton is clawing,

At my flesh.

Talons revealed,

Scratching with flashing ferocity.

My soul is disgusted,

By this pathetic body.

Turned away,

And with averted eye.

Ignoring the hideous wreck,

Of a former man.

Crawling through glass and nails,

Toward a solid wall.

What escape can there be?

I do not see,

Past the misery.

Past the pain of feeling,

From this awareness,

Of insecurity.

Like a whip crack in the night.

I awake in a sweat.

Shaking and scared.

Not of my death,

Fearful of this life.

No relief in this mind.

No relief in this head.

Just emptiness,

And a little withered plant.

Dried up and crying out,

For the rain to come.

So, let the flood barriers,

Age and crack,

And pour down my spine,

Into every heavy limb.

Lank arms and legs,

Dragged forth from a hellish bed.

And in this nourished theft,

I could revitalise,

My roots, perhaps?

Perhaps not?

I don’t want your sympathy,

I just want everything to be ok.

Tell me how I can win?

Tell me to cheat,

And I will.

I need to be ok now,

And I need to be still.